Genre: Action, Adventure, Indie
Release Date: 4 Jan, 2016
May the Chowd be with you.. To be honest the only reason I bought this game was because 4 days had gone by and there still wasn't a review on the store page. I was kinda hoping for a quirky underrated gem, I guess. I was half-right; boy it sure is quirky. I mean, when the dev popped into the corner of the screen in the form of a youtube-esque facecam in a lazy costume in a poorly-lit environment recorded on a below-average quality webcam, I knew I was in for something at least DIFFERENT, and I'll admit, the gag made me laugh. The music isn't bad either, it's a bit short so the loops gets old quickly but it's nothing too unbearable.
Unlike the graphics. I don't think I've ever purchased a game on Steam with artwork this terrible. 90% of the time, I have no \u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665ing clue what the hell I'm looking at. Now to be fair, if I tried to make a game and do the artwork myself, it would probably look just as bad or worse, which is why I would stick to what I'm good at, and find people who are good at what I'm bad at to do the rest. The environment is a total clustercuss of indistinguishable assets and the characters themselves might actually make you vomit. I've seen better character concepts on the average 14 year olds Deviant Art page. Water tiles are literally nothing more than 4 lines made with the pencil tool in a couple different shades of blue, it's aMAZing. The games sense of humor seems to revolve around the idea that it doesn't actually care, at least I think that's what it's going for, I couldn't tell how sincere it was to be honest, so its okay to be ugly as long as it plays nice, right? but it doesn't.
The controls, oh my god, the controls. So basically it's a non-traditional platformer. Your basic jump ability is a little weak so you have to draw a line from your character to the spot you want to jump and he flings in that direction, which sounds easy, but you don't get a great sense of exactly where you're going and you have to correct your course once you're in the air, but it's so hard to control because your character flies through the air so quick that it's really difficult to process what's going on. You really have to plan ahead before each jump, it's so disorienting. You'll probably be stuck in the intro for a little while before you adjust to simply jumping from platform to platform, and even though I did get the hang of it, it never actually felt natural, merely understood. You also have this teleport ability that can teleport you a short distance, but it doesn't seem to make any sense to me. It's supposed to go where your cursor is, but sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn't and I couldn't make heads or tails on how the mechanic functioned. Eventually I figured out which parts of the level wanted me to teleport and to where, but that was just from looking at the level design, I never actually understood it. It's like someone saying "press this button" without being told what the button does.
There's combat too, if you can call it that. You have this tiiiiiny little white line called the chow-blade, or something to that effect, which is kinda \u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665t when virtually every enemy has ranged attacks and you practically have to hump their face to damage them. It was clear to me that this was not a combat-oriented game so I avoided the monsters, but the platforming was frustrating and didn't make sense to me so I avoided that too and got a refund instead.
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